A Quick Rundown of Some of the Most Popular Gay Fetishes in America

When it comes to the gay counterculture in America today, there are more gay fetishes around than you can shake a stick at. And to be sure, you can shake a stick at an awful lot of them. Sure, there are plenty of vanilla gay folks out there who do not involve any gay fetishes into their sexual habits, but it seems as though more often than not gay fetishes are involved in homosexual relationships. It can be said that being gay is a fetish in and of itself, but for the purposes of this article, we will just focus on some of the more hard core gay fetishes in the society today.

S and M is one of the more popular gay fetishes around. This involves one partner sexually or emotionally dominating the other, with one or both people involved getting sexual pleasure out of the activity. This particular gay fetish has lots of other stuff involved, such as whips, chains, blindfolds, leather, latex and a whole lot more. And all these are dedicated to hurting the submissive person in one way or another. There are actually a countless number of websites dedicated to this S and M gay fetish, with many heterosexual people engaging in the activity as well.

To find people who are interested in this S and M gay fetish, one only needs to do Google, Yahoo or MSN search and visit one of these websites and befriend the people who are also members of the community. For a real life gay fetish experience of this nature, you can go to an S and M gay fetish bar. There is usually one in just about every major city, so finding one is relatively easy. In more rural areas that do not have S and M gay fetish bars, you can usually find a group of people who are willing to host such events at their homes.

Another popular gay fetish involves bondage. In this gay fetish, one person ties up his or her partner with ropes or chains. This is a common gay fetish for both gays and lesbians, and this often includes blindfolds to enhance the bondage experience. Although related to the S and M gay fetish on a basic level, not all people who engage in bondage play are also into S and M. Yet another gay fetish involves age play, where one partner is significantly older than the other.

More to Gay Life Than Sex

Are all gay men just superficial disco bunnies with only one thing on their minds? The mass media would certainly have you believe that is so, and with figure heads such as Boy George and Julian Clary, who can blame the public for going along with this idea. Of course, straight acting gay men are just harder to detect. So homophobes continue with their prejudices and the 21st century, thinking gay man gets very lonely wondering where all the men like him are! How, then, do intelligent professional gay men meet each other? There are thousands of clubs and pubs, dating agencies and personal ads for cruising purposes, but it can be extremely difficult to meet professional gay friends for purely social purposes, where a deeper relationship may develop. This is where the gay dining club comes to the rescue. I recently tried Out & Out, London's longest established dining club for professional gay men and was amazed at how civilized an evening with 40 gay men could be.

Out & Out was started by the disarmingly charming and truly scrumptious Julia Melinek. Eleven years ago, opera singer Julia (she's sung Madam Butterfly for English National Opera) and fellow warbler, Mark Glanville (more recently the author of best – selling book The Goldberg Variations) realised that they were so good at organising dinner parties for gay colleagues that they might as well do it professionally. As Out & Out, they booked a stand at a Gay lifestyle exhibition at Earl's Court and pretty much became an instant success. Today they're the biggest dining club for professional gay men in the UK, with a membership that sometimes hits a thousand. They are not just another gay dating service in London. Through the gay dining club format, members can meet new friends, network professionally and chat without any of the posing and cruising obligations of the scene.

How did they do it? Professional fag hag (it's her description) Julia reckons that, as far as social skills are concerned, "you're born that way." But she likens her table – hopping duties at Out & Out functions to those of the circus plate spinner, forever dashing to give the plate at the end another twirl. Having seen her in action, I can confirm that, like the guy with the plates, she performs apparently effortlessly. But what is it with Julia and gay men? "There's a special relationship between straight women and gay men," she explains. "It's like the girlie friendship, opposite sexes getting on with each other without the sexual tension." The personal touch extends to communications with the Out & Out office. There are no mail-shots. Julia and Mark can spend eight hours a day on the phone, telling members about upcoming lunches and dinners, plus other events including theatre visits, foreign trips and boat cruises. Clearly the label ‘Gay Dining Club' only reveals part of the picture as members use the club for professional networking purposes, expanding their social horizons, debates, message posting and of course, inevitably, for gay dating.

But, ultimately, is it all about sex? Surprisingly, no. "It's far less a sexual thing than the scene," says Julia. I accepted an invitation to the gallery bar of the Cross Keys, a beautiful old pub in Chelsea, where Out & Out celebrated Valentine's Day. The mix of men was much as Julia had described, all ages, classes and races, but "the common denominator is intelligence, those who enjoy a dinner party atmosphere as opposed to posing and cruising."

After a 17 year relationship broke up, lawyer David T found it very difficult to "let loose" again. "In the bars I was very conscious of being older," he told me, "but here, as you can see, the age range is very wide." At Out & Out he has made a lot of gay friends, some men he now sees independently. What about romance? None as yet. David feels that Out & Out is primarily a social group. But then I met David L and William R who have been together for three years after meeting at an Out & Out function. "Jules is very good at judging," said David. "She sits people next to each other if she thinks they're going to get on. With us, she got it right." "I didn't want a gay dating agency when I joined Out and Out," said William "I was far more interested in networking with professional gay men and meeting new friends....but then I met David, and the rest is history!"

Now David is trying to get William to County Hall! "We'll invite Mark and Jules," David promised.

Gay Life in Andalucia

Gay Life in Andalucia Background to Andalucia's Popularity with the Gay Traveler The Gay traveler has always had an affiliation with Spain, and since the countries increasing popularity as a holiday destination in the 1960's and ‘70's, Andalucia's gay community has thrived. Not only due to the widely open and accepting Spanish people, holidays are typically a time when beliefs and prejudices are put aside and the desire to relax, unwind and to have a good time doing whatever you do takes over. Perhaps the fact that people are displaced from their usual surroundings whilst on holiday, results in the removal of barriers and stereotypes that they may normally have. Several of these stereotypes exist around the lifestyles and habits of gay people, and therefore, rightly or wrongly, it is widely accepted that the climate, beaches, club culture and shopping facilities of the Costa del Sol have increased Andalucia's popularity with the gay market. Likewise, the trend towards rural tourism and multi-centre holidays has increased gay travelers awareness of communities that exist in other significant destinations such as Cadiz, Seville and Cordoba. Another stereotype revolves around the notion of the ‘pink pound' which in the UK refers to the spending power generated by gay consumers. This group has been historically assumed to be part of a family unit of just two, is less likely to have children and thus is more likely to be professional individuals who have concentrated on their career rather than their family. It has been concluded that these individuals are more likely to have greater earning potential and less daily outgoings upon which to spend. During a time when Andalucia has seen so much change so rapidly, and where the Costa del Sol has been considered a fashionable and exclusive resort, it's perhaps not surprising that much of this ‘pink' money has been spent in Andalucia. Gay Marriage A key influencing figure in the prospect of increased gay settlers in Andalucia will be the recent legalization of gay marriage, with Spain being one of a handful of countries that has done so. Homosexuality was illegal in Spain before 1978, when the constitution within which it was legalized was agreed. This acceptance of gay unity as a viable and now legal alternative to the more traditional one man one woman marriage earned Spain much notoriety within the Catholic Church where it was still seen as unacceptable. But, to there credit, Spain decided that it was the right way to go, and the recognition of gay relationships in a legal and formal capacity was realized. Gay Lifestyle Much of gay lifestyle centres around the café/club culture, and in Andalucia, this is in abundance. Due mainly to the climate, the café scene thrives where outside and pavement dinning and socializing is the norm. Licensing laws in Spain have a larger effect on the gay scene and most clubs stay open into the early hours of the morning, with few opening much before 10.00pm. Club life in Andalucia centres around current music fashions and trends, and most famously amongst the community, within the Nogalera area of Torremolinos on the Costa del Sol. Cabaret, which still proves to be an extremely popular theme in many gay friendly establishments, will be found in any significant resort, and it's not unusual to see very colourful cabaret with a gay or camp undertone even in the smallest of provincial towns! Support Groups There are several groups offering support to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people in Andalucia. You can normally find associations within most large towns and cities, and likewise within the provincial towns there will be a presence of some description, no matter how small. Such organizations will help gay people to integrate into the community, offer help and assistance in most matters, and give advice about socializing and community groups where you can meet new friends Information can be obtained from one of the larger groups, COLEGA (Colectiva de Lesbianas y Gais en Andalucia) Conclusion It goes without saying that the gay community has embraced all that is on offer in Andalucia and has really made it its own. Admirably, gay people have utilized and added to the already colourful and vibrant Andalucia life in a way that other communities have never even considered. It's not unusual to assume that the gay communities' love of Andalucia will continue to grow, with more people using the region for holidays, a place to live and work and to ultimately retire and settle.